Jason Gastrich’s “Resume (Résumé)”
The Tongue-in-Cheek Version
While Jason Gastrich
(“The Clouseau of Apologetics”) has
his own standard version of his resume (résumé), the
following “tongue-in-cheek” version is perhaps a better
representation – especially as it represents Jason’s
activities and postings in the various newsgroups within Google Groups.
JasonSaves.jpg
“Dr” Jason
Gastrich’s
“Resume (Résumé)”
A condensed version of Jason’s resume (résumé) (with translations)
by “One of the sheep who has gone astray”
A condensed version of Jason’s resume (résumé) (with translations)
by “One of the sheep who has gone astray”
1) Stands before God (Stands in front of a mirror) (See http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=narcissistic)
Amen
2) Talks to God (Makes audio tapes and then listens to them.)
When God talks to Jason, HE tells him
jokes. See: http://exchristian.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=3139
(“Mr. Gastrich, please make yourself comfortable on my couch and tell me about your invisible friend.”)
Amen
(“Mr. Gastrich, please make yourself comfortable on my couch and tell me about your invisible friend.”)
Amen
3) Over 70,000 web pages (Collects Spam – also pretty good at generating it)
(See Mental Illnesses –
Compulsive Hoarding.
Also see Plagiarism)
Amen
Amen
4) “Awesome” education (See Diploma Mills – also see: Fraud)
Amen
5) Mathematical genius
(Proves that the ratio of a
circle’s circumference to its diameter is actually 3.00 instead
of PI(). See http://web.archive.org/web/20060222022215/www.inerrancyexposed.com/molten_sea.html
and/or http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.gastrich.org)
Amen
Amen
6) Physics genius (Declares that gravity causes rivers to flow uphill)
7) Zoology genius (Discovers that bats have feathers)
See “"Dr" Jason Gastrich
Vindicated As Bats
With Feathers Found!” discussion in Google Groups
(free.christians)
Amen
Amen
8) Financial Advisor
“I think it is more important to
tithe than
pay credit card bills. I think you will be more blessed for giving to
God than Visa.”
See http://www.usenetreligion.com/archive/index.php/t-618452.html and several discussions in Google Groups.
(Alternately see: http://groups.google.com/group/free.christians/msg/7abdfb2470de0ffb?dmode=source&hl=en )
(Also see Chapter 7 – U. S. bankruptcy code)
Amen
See http://www.usenetreligion.com/archive/index.php/t-618452.html and several discussions in Google Groups.
(Alternately see: http://groups.google.com/group/free.christians/msg/7abdfb2470de0ffb?dmode=source&hl=en )
(Also see Chapter 7 – U. S. bankruptcy code)
Amen
9) Experienced cat veterinarian
Reads Garfield. See Jason’s
“My Cat Has a Problem” discussion in Google Groups. Also
please see the following response:
“Maybe Jason can lay hands on it and HEAL it back to health. PRAISE THE GREAT VET IN THE SKY!! AMEN!!!”
Also:
Jason Gastrich: “Do you have any idea what the problem could be?”
David: “Incompetent ownership?”
Amen
“Maybe Jason can lay hands on it and HEAL it back to health. PRAISE THE GREAT VET IN THE SKY!! AMEN!!!”
Also:
Jason Gastrich: “Do you have any idea what the problem could be?”
David: “Incompetent ownership?”
Amen
10) Publicly posts prayers for everyone. See http://jcsm.org/Devos/Devos398
(Well not quite everyone. Since Jason
is convinced
that he is God, he doesn’t have to say one for himself.)
(Incidentally, he copied the list without permission, and arrogantly posted it on the internet despite the objections of the list’s owner.)
Amen
(Incidentally, he copied the list without permission, and arrogantly posted it on the internet despite the objections of the list’s owner.)
Amen
Disclaimer: Jason Gastrich was a registered “write-in” candidate in the 2003 California Recall Election. Even though California voters considered “Adult Film Actress” Mary Cook to be more highly qualified than Mr. Gastrich by a factor in excess of 1,000 to 1, Jason did receive 11 votes. (“People searches” indicate Jason has a couple of dozen relatives in California.) He is thus “a figure of legitimate public interest” which gives me a legal right to post this parody. (Source for election results is: http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Results_of_the_2003_California_recall )
Permission is granted to everyone to freely copy this web page.
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